Bye Bye Family
Well it's been a while since I've written. Wow so much has happened I don't know where to start.
Well my dad is leaving. He sold the house and is going to Brazil for what he says will only be a few months...hummm lets see; girlfriend in Brazil..Hot weather....Nice beach house....Family....come on it's Brazil..he's not coming back :-(. Really I didn't think it would affect me, but since he's the only parent I have here and the only family besides my younger sis.
I guess it's hitting me harder than I thought. It's just weird to think that really I have no guardian.... which I know most people find amazing but it's sort of a lonly scared feeling.. I have my sis which is amazing and the only thing keeping me sane. At least I have family (blood related) here....... but I feel more pressure because I'm all she has, and I'm the big sis...I have to be there for her, and I WANT to.
I feel like now I can make it up to her. I know that when she was younger she felt like I abandoned her, but it wasn't that, she was leaving for Brazil... (what a concept, people I care about leaving!! really...who would of thought) and I was so upset....... I didn't want her to know it..so panties I should have been there for her, and I should have told her I wanted her to stay...no regrets a lesson learned.
What to do... man why can't I just have a family that ALL lives in one place, well I can have that, but I just have to give up so much to get that.... and convince my sis to do it to!!. I'm glad my parents brought me to Canada to give us a better life, away from the crime, poverty and sadness in Brazil despite it's greatness.... but sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if we stayed there. Their divorce would have been easier on me and my sis.... we'd have a safe place to go like my grandma's or aunts...That, along with the fucked up years that followed (including my dad's anger and temper and my mom and sis leaving) may not have occurred. And if it did there is nothing like family to pick up the ...they would have picked up the pieces..not to say that my friends weren't there, cause god they were but without taking credit away from them family is family. But still I survived those bad years, and I grew up and I think i've done pretty good.....I have awesome goals in school and a great " family" here..how can I give all that up for a family that I never really got to know. I rememmber how much I loved my family and how close we were 15 years ago when I lived there..there really was no happier place for me, but that was 15 years ago..can I give it all up for that ghost??? How can I leave it all behind..I don't think i'm ready for that just yet.... there just to many what if's here.
Well my dad is leaving. He sold the house and is going to Brazil for what he says will only be a few months...hummm lets see; girlfriend in Brazil..Hot weather....Nice beach house....Family....come on it's Brazil..he's not coming back :-(. Really I didn't think it would affect me, but since he's the only parent I have here and the only family besides my younger sis.
I guess it's hitting me harder than I thought. It's just weird to think that really I have no guardian.... which I know most people find amazing but it's sort of a lonly scared feeling.. I have my sis which is amazing and the only thing keeping me sane. At least I have family (blood related) here....... but I feel more pressure because I'm all she has, and I'm the big sis...I have to be there for her, and I WANT to.
I feel like now I can make it up to her. I know that when she was younger she felt like I abandoned her, but it wasn't that, she was leaving for Brazil... (what a concept, people I care about leaving!! really...who would of thought) and I was so upset....... I didn't want her to know it..so panties I should have been there for her, and I should have told her I wanted her to stay...no regrets a lesson learned.
What to do... man why can't I just have a family that ALL lives in one place, well I can have that, but I just have to give up so much to get that.... and convince my sis to do it to!!. I'm glad my parents brought me to Canada to give us a better life, away from the crime, poverty and sadness in Brazil despite it's greatness.... but sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if we stayed there. Their divorce would have been easier on me and my sis.... we'd have a safe place to go like my grandma's or aunts...That, along with the fucked up years that followed (including my dad's anger and temper and my mom and sis leaving) may not have occurred. And if it did there is nothing like family to pick up the ...they would have picked up the pieces..not to say that my friends weren't there, cause god they were but without taking credit away from them family is family. But still I survived those bad years, and I grew up and I think i've done pretty good.....I have awesome goals in school and a great " family" here..how can I give all that up for a family that I never really got to know. I rememmber how much I loved my family and how close we were 15 years ago when I lived there..there really was no happier place for me, but that was 15 years ago..can I give it all up for that ghost??? How can I leave it all behind..I don't think i'm ready for that just yet.... there just to many what if's here.
posted by Joshua and Patricia at 8:45 PM
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